Wednesday, 17 December 2014

University Life

This urge to write stems from my recent result my an assignment that I handed in. I am not the greatest student at University if I am being completely honest. I have been finding it very difficult in terms of understanding my course. I do not feel motivated to work hard or put any effort in to any pieces of work. This has led me to feel like I am going to fail thus there is no point trying.

About two weeks ago I handed in this assignment that everyone had three weeks to do. I, being the lazy student that I am, decided to do it the night before. This was one of the most stressful nights I have ever had. The deadline was at 10.30 and I managed to submit my work at 10.27 without a bibliography which was required. 

I started working at midnight and I stayed awake all night working and stressing. I was sitting with friends which was not a good idea as they were quite distracting in a funny way. Anyway I worked like slave all night. My friend came down to help me around eight o'clock in the morning - my saviour - and I managed get a lot done within the last two hours before it had to be submitted. When I had finally submitted my piece of work I felt so relieved. I had l learnt my lesson the hard way, which was to not leave my work to the last minute. I should do little bits at a time to save me from the stress and panic. 

Yesterday morning I received my result. I was expecting a 3rd because I rushed my work and there were people who spent weeks on doing this essay. I got a text from a friend asking me what I had got so I checked. I was so surprised to see that I had achieved a 2:1 for my work. I was so happy and surprised that I screamed and ran down to tell my parents. This may seem lame but I literally was in shock. I thought to myself that if I could conjure up an essay like that in ten hours, imagine what I could have achieved if I spent time on it. In all honesty I do prefer working under pressure because that is when I usually produce my best work. 

This result has given me a boost in confidence in my ability. It was what I needed and now I feel like I have a shot of doing alright in the exams in January. I just need to keep my focus and believe in myself. That is an invaluable asset which used right can be anyone's best friend and best weapon. 

I went in to school to go see some teachers and I told them about the result and they told me that sometimes you produce your best work when you do your work last minute. Nevertheless this does not alway happen. This time I was just lucky but I am very grateful that I got away with it this time because I would have honestly felt down if I received a low grade despite my expectations. 

I don't know. Maybe this is a sign for me to pick up my game and start focussing. The coursework accounted for 30% of my grade and the exam accounts for 70% so the exam is crucial. The coursework, however, has given me drive to push harder and try to achieve a higher mark in my exams. 

I don't know what the moral is here, but do not leave everything down to chance. I genuinely think I was lucky this time round but luck will not have always have my back. Hard work does pay off and I need to learn how to organise my time so my work way before the deadline so I can then feel relaxed and improve bits if I have to etc. It is all about priorities and organising them is harder than it looks, especially if there is no one there to guide you. 



Friday, 5 September 2014

Body Wars

We are not going to get anywhere if we fight amongst each other. Girls are often labelled a lot of negative names and they always have been. There is still the issue of double standards for girls who can’t act like boys without being criticized or labelled. What makes it worse is that girls are labeling one another, which gives guys or even society to keep on labeling them.
Recently I have been seeing “body battles” of where girls mainly are putting up pictures saying, “bones are for dogs”, “real men go for curves!” Also I have seen pictures saying, “No Whales Allowed!” In the comments there are people fighting and saying truly horrible things about people’s bodies. There are many people who state in the comments that everyone is beautiful and that girls should not fight – it is nice to see some decent people. Don’t fight fire with fire because it will make it worse. Just don’t comment or comment something sensible. If your excuse to be mean to someone is that you seen someone else had said something mean then be the bigger person and show that person who is boss by remaining calm and tell them that “beauty is the eye of the beholder.”
Also “real” men will go what they want! Why the hell are we trying to impress men with our bodies? I am not saying that you can’t impress mean with your body but these pictures reinforce the idea that women are just men’s sexual objects, which, in turn gives them an excuse to treat women like crap. After a while little things like these pictures girls put up criticizing other girls bodies become the norm. You don’t see men online stating that women like big d*cks! I haven’t seen any pictures but that other men post put men down which. However girls again post the pictures that put men down in a way as these pictures state that “all girls” want this, this and this.
My point is being yourself is the best thing you can do and be the best you! If you want to lose/gain weight for yourself like health issues or because you want to gain confidence etc. then do it! But please don’t change your body to impress men/women. Find someone who will love you for your mind and not your ass and breasts.
Just be happy because there are people out there who wish they were in your position.


X

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

University

I am off to University this month and I am super excited and I feel so ready. I have always wanted to go to University and now the time has arrived to go there are many things I am thinking about. I do miss school. I am lucky to have had good experience at school and I shall miss my friends that I have grown up for the past 7 years. It is hard to think I won’t see that place again although I am sure I will love my University experience much more. I have started to reflect on my past and I have started to really focus on my future. I am very career-focused and I want the best for myself. I have never worked so hard in my life to get my place at University. For at least 3 of my exams I pulled all-nighters before the exam because I could not sleep. I literally studied all day and all night with the occasional 1 hour at nap here and there. At the end of it all I completely exhausted and I celebrated the end of my exams by going to prom, which was fantastic. When results day came on the 14th of August I did not until 6 am and I woke up at 7.30 am. I quickly checked Track on UCAS, which is how students in the UK check if they got in to University. I screamed and then I ran in to my mum’s room when I found out that I had got in to University to do Law. I could not wait to get in to school after that to pick up my grades. School opened at 9 am and the wait was killing me. I wanted to see my grades and see my teachers and thank them! When I finally got in to school around 9.20 ish my teachers looked at my and I knew my grades were grades by the looks on their faces since they were trying so hard to hide their excitement. They followed to the desk and watched me open my results. I swore so many times when I saw my grades and they just laughed! I do love my teachers they are so cool J I got A* A* B. I was only predicted ABB. All them months of work and revision, the exhaustion, the stress, the tears and I had got those results. I was in shock and I still am. It hasn’t hit me yet because it doesn’t feel real in a way.

I have bought some luxury items with my wages because I want to get them now so when I leave my job I will have some spare cash and I will have some luxuries to take to University. At University you don’t get a lot of cash and the cash you get is for your necessities. Although my parents are very willing to help me out, I want to get some stuff like makeup with my money so I don’t feel like I wasting their money on these kinds of items. They are willing to pay for my accommodation and books and luxury items but I just want them to help with necessities. One of the biggest factors that contributed to my exam results was the financial support my parents offered. They paid for any of the books I wanted. They told me to use their login and just order whatever I wanted (in terms of books). I am so grateful for that because I knew lots of people at school who couldn’t do that because their parents could not afford to do that even if the books were second hand. Therefore the fact that I was able to order any book or any resource that I needed whenever I needed really helped me as I could take them to school, away, revise whenever I wanted at home. I could do what I wanted in them like highlight whereas if I had borrowed a book from school, I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that. The school did lend students book but it was just easier to have your own book. I have also sold my books on Amazon for a decent price so I got some money on them. Having the resources and the financial support from your parents are huge factors and they should never be underestimated. To achieve you have to work, work and work! I spent the whole day and whole night revising. I barely ate meals; I just snacked all the time. I revised anywhere I could. I did past papers. I tried to identify patterns and trends from the previous papers but this year the examiners wanted to make it harder than before because A Levels are becoming linear. I didn’t have study leave I had to attend school still but I only came for a few lessons and I just stayed at home for the majority of that period. That really helped because I could revise any subject I wanted whenever I wanted rather than follow my timetable. But when I did go to school I mainly used the time there to see friends and relax which I know sounds bizarre but sometimes they were at school and I would go see them at lunch and then speak to some of my teachers so they could give me some tips for the exam. I lived 10 minutes away from the school so it was worth the trip to see a couple of friends and get a little pep talk from teachers to help comfort you before going back home to revise for 11 hours – give or take an hour.

 While I am writing this I have 24 days left until I officially start University! I am going to have a meal with my closest friends soon and take some pictures to stick up on my wall. Thank God for Facebook because I can nick some photos from there and print them off to put up in my room. I am going to go to Cambridge with my cousin to do some extra shopping for little things like clothes because we did that last year before she was going in to her first year at University. I am planning a trip to Ikea with my mum to buy the main stuff like lamps and storage and all that jazz.
However it doesn’t feel like I am going to University because there are so many things to do and other events that are coming up before I go. This I cannot focus totally on University but I am sure things will come together and they will hit like a tonne of bricks.


I just want to finish this by saying working hard doesn’t mean just putting a few hours and working “hard”. It means being dedicated, spending hours and hours on it and being self-motivated. Keep yourself focussed because no one else can do that for you especially if you are doing something by yourself. Obviously be healthy and make sure you eat and drink lots! But you need to be your own boss and discipline yourself. And if you fail well its never a failure, always a lesson.  

Saturday, 28 June 2014

Make-up and school

WARNING: This blog may contain a lot of rambling and waffling on and on.

MAKE-UP IS SO CONFUSING! At the moment I just can't seem to get the hang of picking the right shades and how to use certain products and what will suit me. It is a bit scary but I need to learn because I am turning 19 this year and I am off to University in September. I know the basics like how to apply foundation, eyeliner and mascara etc. I have a few lipsticks also, but I can't do the other stuff like contouring, applying eyeshadow without looking like a clown, apply lipliner :/  Now that I am 18 I want to start exploring the make-up world. I started wearing make-up when I was 15 years old but that was only eyeliner because I have big round eyes and I needed to find a way to "define" them. I was also not allowed to wear make-up - even eyeliner - so I used to quickly take it off before I got home or I would try to get home as fast as I could and wipe it off but still my mum would notice. 

Once I started Sixth Form - when I was 16 - I was allowed to wear make-up but my mum said I was not allowed to wear too much or a full face of makeup. That was fine because I found girls who covered every inch of their face in make-up with layer upon layer of foundation, just looked totally ridiculous and I felt a little bit sad for them as they probably felt the need to cover themselves up to be themselves. Or maybe there are just masking themselves behind the make-up? But hey they were the girls who tended to dislike me so I guess they were sort of jealous that I was able to walk around anywhere without make-up or with minimal make-up. I know that may come across as cockey and self-centred but looking back retrospectively I think that was the reason why they used to say mean stuff about me. Obviously not all girls were mean to be but the "popular" or "plastic" girls and boys sometimes called me "ugly" and made reference to my big eyes, whereas some lovely people used to compliment my eyes which made me feel good about them. I think those mean girls just wished they had my eyes because when I used to see them in school and in town they used to wear eyeliner and fake eyelashes to make their eyes seem bigger - oh the irony! Now I can walk in to school without the need or urge to apply make-up even eyeliner so I guessed what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in some ways. I realised that I had to look at the bigger picture. I was being so picky but then again I was only 15 years old and I was going through a tough time at home and school so I was feeling a little rubbish about myself. But there are people who wished they could see or they wished that they had eyes! I know it sounds extreme but unfortunately there are people out there who are in those situations. I learnt how to be more grateful and love myself a little more because that is the only way that you will happy with yourself - accept the way you are and things will just become easier. I have fabulous friends  and I no longer cared about the those comments or acknowledged them mean boys and girls. I have not got the time to think about them anymore. I also believe that it is important that we all should go through a rough time at school - never bullying - I just mean small situations where your strength is tested or a situation like breaking up with your best friend where we learn a lot about ourselves. I learnt not to care about what others think about my face and also my height - I had an early growth spurt and was also called "lanky". I learnt to become resilient and "hard" in a way because I was able to take negative comments without feeling rubbish and upset because those are not facts. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plus I could easily pointed out their flaws, imperfections and things that I thought made them ugly but I didn't because I see no point in doing so. School is such a small part of our lives so getting boys to be attracted to me and getting everyone to accept me was not and it is still not on my agenda for life. 

I have nothing high-end from MAC or Nars but I have built up a nice collection of high-street or drugstore makeup which haven't cost that much. I have always been a big fan of eyeliner because of my big eyes so you will always find that in my collection although I still haven't tried the gel liners yet! I continue to expand my make-up collection but I don't wear because I feel I need to, I wear make-up because I enjoy it and i find it fun. I wear it sometimes if I want to make an effort or if I just feel like it. I don't cake my face in foundation or anything. I wear minimal amounts but I am NOT saying that if you wear lots of make-up, you are jealous or anything negative etc. I am saying that for me make-up is something I wish to wear on occasions - essentially I perceive make-up differently. I hope this blog post did not offend anyone I just wanted to let you know that school can be a tough time for girls and we all have different ways of dealing with stuff. I have never been the girl who wanted all the attention on me or anything but that doesn't mean that there were not times that I wanted more attention from people. School is tough for some, and I did not have it the hardest or easiest because I loved my school experience.

A religious quote that helps is without fear, without hate. I don't fear anybody and their opinions and I don't hate anyone, I just simply do not care.

x



Sunday, 22 June 2014

A Confuzzled Student?

I, unlike my older siblings and cousins, was very indecisive when it came to choosing my career and what not. They all knew what they wanted to do in the future by the age of 16 however I still did not know what I wanted to study by the age of 18. It is slightly harder when you have family members pressuring you with their suggestions and pressure to pluck a career out of the thin air and work hard towards that career for years. It is even more annoying when you are considered as the "Geek" or "Nerdy" student in some of your classes and how they seemed to think that I will become the world's smartest lawyer or doctor or something. You could be the smartest person in the country but that does not mean that you will pursue something academic or even go to university. Truthfully I am not the smartest person, I just had a good work ethic and I have failed pieces of work even after spending some much time on it. 

Anyway even when year 12 had ended, I had not decided what I wanted to do at University. I knew what A-Levels I wanted to do however I had no idea what I wanted to study at University. Most of my friends knew and my other friends were not going to uni at all so I felt a bit abnormal and left out in some ways. I have always known that I wanted to go to uni. But that was the most frustrating part because that is the main reason why people go to uni obviously - to study. So during year 12 I attended as many open days I could possibly go to and did loads of research in to courses that I thought was intriguing like Criminology, History, Psychology and Ecomonics. Yet you have probably guessed it that none of them appealed to me. 

One day towards the end of year 12, I was in lesson with my friend who was looking to study Law, she asked what course I was going to study at uni. I told her that I did not know and that I was worried. She said that she thought I was studying Law and in a weird and sort of dramatic way it hit me! LAW! I loved debates, looking for evidence and flaws in other people's arguments. I was quite a self-disciplined student who had a strong work ethic (don't mean to be rude and arrogant by any means!) I asked one of the teachers that I got along with very well to be my reference writer and throughout the summer holidays I did tonnes of reseacrh in to Law and I honestly felt like this is what I wanted to study at University. It was not simple as that don't get me wrong, I did so much research and I still was not 100% sure but I had a good feeling about it and sometimes that's all you are left with at the end of the day. My school did not offer Law and an A-Level so I did not have a "taster" but I attended a lot of uni open days after my AS exams and went to the Law departments specifically. Thankfully my AS results were pretty decent so there was a chance that I would get in to a good University - not Oxbridge though.

Now year 13 has passed - the most stressful year I have ever had - I do not know how to feel. I have done all my exams and I have finished my time at school now. I tried my best and  I know I am my own worst enemy because I look back at times and wished I tried harder at my exams. I am anxious about results day and getting in to the university I really want to go to! I am sitting at home doing nothing most days, looking for a job and trying to write more blog posts. Next month I will be undertaking work experience in Central London which I am hugely grateful for! I was able to get it through family connections which I might write a blog post about. Back to my point, I am going to try and spend time with people that I love and care about because I have plenty of time on my hands. I receently went to Birmingham for a night out with my cousin and her friends which gave me a taster of university nightlife. 

School has been at the centre of my life since I was born. I feel passionate about it and I enjoy it. I don't feel ashamed to say that because I do. It feels weird that I have finished school even though I am going uni. Uni is completely different though. I just want to use my time wisely which is easier said than done. I am going to try and write more blog posts about things and life. I want to write more meaningful blogs very soon because I find it theraputic. 

I have no idea how to end this oh well x




Monday, 16 June 2014

I FINISHED SCHOOL

I have completed all my A Level exams and now I have officially finished school! This is maddening but I am exhausted so in many ways I am glad that it is over. However I know I will miss it. Currently I am just resting but this means from now on I have nothing to do. I will coming in to school to help with events and give some of my lovely teachers thank-you cards and presents because they have really pushed me this year and helped me through everything. 

I have thought about looking for a job, but there are some issues. I will be undertaking work experience soon in Central London this summer and I have not recieved the dates yet so I do not want to get a job to then find out that I need a week or two off! I am aware that after July there won't be many jobs left because they will have already been filled but I am sure that I will find something to do. As I am going to study Law at University I can use utilise my spare time by travelling to London and watching court cases. I know that I could do that in other cities including the city that I am from, but it is more fun to travel and I know London quite well. Well I know how to get around efficiently thanks to a tube app - it's literally a lifesaver! So if I am unable to get a job, which will probably be the case then I shall spend my time wisely. I would not mind volunteering in the summer but I know that's when most people volunteer as well and your application can get rejected. 

I am very excited about the future. My school life has been pretty good but like most students they find that school can be a PAIN IN THE A***! One time I was being picked on/ bullied by an older girl in my form and I ended up on this report-thing for swearing at her because she made me feel so bad about myself and I was only 14. Also because there was "no proof" that she was bullying, she got away with it and I was punished for being upset. When I started sixth form there was some struggles but they soon went away. I found a new group of friends that are awesome. Although it was very stressful, sixth form was the best period of my life so far. I was treated with respect and the teachers are more relaxed in sixth form. Of course I had to call them "Sir" or "Miss" and so on, but I could talk to them informally and joke around with them. I could sit and talk to them about anything and they could related. I have never experienced that before as I only liked a few teachers when I was doing my GCSEs. There was more independence, apart from this last year where the sixth formers lost their study leave and that sucked so badly. 

Soon prom is coming up (a few days actually). I am dressing a bit formally because I did not want to purchase another gown. I bought a gown/informal kind of dress for my year 11 prom but this prom I wanted a formal dress that I could wear again at University when on a night out. And now that most of us in year 13 are 18 we are going out in to town after so I wanted something appropriate for that. We are literally in town for our prom so that is great but prom is on a gay night out, which I am cool with :) But the teachers have to still work after prom because prom is on a tuesday so they have the week to get through after. 


Aaaand that's about it x